*You think English is easy? **
*
1) The bandage was* wound *around the* wound. *
2) The farm was used to* produce produce *.
3) The dump was so full that it had to* refuse* more*
refuse*.
4) We must *polish* the* Polish * furniture.
5) He could* lead* if he would get the *lead* out.
6) The soldier decided to *desert* his dessert in the*
desert.*
7) Since there is no time like the *present*, he thought it
was time to*present
* the* present *
8) A* bass* was painted on the head of the* bass *drum.
9) When shot at, the* dove dove* into the bushes.
10) I did not* object* to the* object. *
11) The insurance was* invalid* for the* invalid. *
12) There was a* row* among the oarsmen about how to *row*
13) They were too *close* to the door to* close* it.
14) The buck* does *funny things when the* does* are
present.
15) A seamstress and a* sewer* fell down into a* sewer*
line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his* sow* to*
sow.*
17) The* wind* was too strong to* wind* the sail.
18) Upon seeing the* tear* in the painting I shed a* tear.*
19) I had to *subject* the* subject* to a series of tests.
20) How can I* intimate *this to my most* intimate* friend?
Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is
no egg in eggplant,
nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins
weren't invented in England or French fries in France .
Sweetmeats are
candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are
meat. We take English for
granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that
quicksand can work
slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither
from Guinea nor
is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't
fing, grocers don't groce
and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth,
why isn't the plural
of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?
One index, 2
indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends
but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but
one of them,
what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a
vegetarian eats
vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think
all the English
speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally
insane. In what
language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and
send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that
smell?
Why do we park on a driveway, but drive on a parkway?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a
wise man and a
wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique
lunacy of a
language in which your house can burn up as it burns down,
in which you fill
in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off
by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it
reflects the
creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a
race at all That is
why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the
lights are out,
they are invisible.
PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with
'quick'. and why doesn't 'dough' rhyme
with 'tough'?*
You lovers of the English language might enjoy this .
There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings
than any other
two-letter word, and that is **'UP.' **
It's easy to understand** UP*, meaning toward the sky
or at the top of the
list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake
*UP* ? At a
meeting, why does a topic come* UP* ? Why do we speak *UP*
and why are the
officers* UP* for election and why is it *UP* to the
secretary to
write* UP*a report ?
We call* UP* our friends. And we use it to brighten* UP* a
room, polish* UP
* the silver, we warm *UP* the leftovers and clean *UP* the
kitchen. We
lock* UP* the house and some guys fix* UP* the old car .
At other times
the little word has real special meaning. People stir
*UP** *trouble, line*UP
* for tickets, work* UP* an appetite, and think *UP*
excuses. To be dressed
is one thing, but to be dressed *UP* is special.
And this *UP* is confusing: A drain must be opened* UP*
because it is
stopped *UP*. We open* UP* a store in the morning but we
close it *UP* at
night. *
We seem to be pretty mixed** UP* about *UP *! To be
knowledgeable about the
proper uses of* UP* , look the word* UP* in the dictionary.
In a desk-sized
dictionary, it takes *UP** *almost 1/4th of the page and
can add* UP* to
about thirty definitions. If you are *UP* to it, you might
try
building* UP*a list of the many ways
*UP* is used. It will take* UP* a lot of your time, but if
you don't give *
UP* , you may wind* UP* with a hundred or more. When it
threatens to rain,
we say it is clouding *UP* When the sun comes out we say
it is clearing* *
*UP* ...*
When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things
**UP* ..*
When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry* *UP* *
One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it* *UP* , for
now my time is * UP* ,
so............ it is time to shut *UP* ...!
_______________________________________________________________
can you raed tihs?
olny 55% of plepoe can
i cdnuolt blveiee taht i cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht i was rdanieg.
the phaonmeal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rsheearch at
cmabdgire uinervtisy, it dseon't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a
wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be
in the rghit pclae. the rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed
it whotuit a pbeorlm. tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef but the wrods as a wlohe. azanmig huh? yaeh and
i awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
